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| 1999-12-30 | Why I Hate Lists | |
| Ok, the new year is here. I am still breathing. Like anyone really bought into this game, set, match crap? I don't own a computer so maybe I don't know what I am talking about but if some piece of equipment is so scary why have one in your house? At the junkyard I always see these ones Jeff the security guy calls 286's. He laughs at them. I don't get it. An old toaster still does the job. Why are these things so shitty? They look like new. If I knew how to run one I would take home 5 or 6 to make my life easier. Until then I guess I will just have to use my bic pen and post it notes. Hey am I the only one out there who is ready to puke when they see one more end of the year list? This last year was way worse. I guess this millenium thing had something to do with it. And they have them for just about every damn thing in the freaking world. Like the top ten commandments broken by Clinton or the top 5 Ally McVeal mini skirts. Junk like that. I even read about one in the men's room at the Chevron the other day which listed the top ten lists of 99. Who the fuck cares? Well, maybe a lot of people. So I was thinking. Maybe I should pitch in and do my part. Come up with my list! Here it is. Top 6 Reasons Of Why I Hate Lists 1. They suck 2. They take up space in newspapers that should be used for more comics. 3. I never agree with the "Best Of" lists. 4. I dig most of what's on the "Worst Of" lists. 5. I feel ashamed I have never heard of most of what's on the NY Times Lists. 6. I feel ashamed I submitted a snapshot of my aunt naked from like 1947 and it won 4th place in Hustlers' Best Beaver shots list of 99. I got a bunch more reasons why I hate lists but I am betting you have heard enough. I guess we can hope now that we have begun a new century things might change. Sometimes things stay the same I guess because that's the way people want it. Like the smirk of Bruce Willis. If I owned a bunch of toilets like Planet Hollywood I sure wouldn't be smirking. More like crying but he gives the world what it wants. The best smirking money can buy. Consistency.That's something I could never deliver. Maybe that's why I live in a camper parked in my uncle's driveway. I should probably stop writing now. Goodbye |
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| 1999-12-21 | Music These Days | |
| Music sounds sort of sissy like these days. I get in my Buick Skylark, fire up a Camel non filter and crank up the radio. That is what I've done for years. Now it can pretty damn near make me vomit. The music that is. I love my Camels. It all seems so, so sappy. A bunch of boy groups with a hell of a lot of gel. And then there are those horny guys with their speed/rap/metal stuff. The Buiscuts, the Corn and those type. What has happened here? Did I pass out a few months back and now suddenly everything in the world that used to be cool now sucks? I never saw it coming. I knew the Celine's and Garth's were around but they stayed out of my way on the radio. Didn't have to try too hard to avoid them. I could always find some place to park my ears. Like listening to some stupid right wing talk show host serve up some good cheer until a good song on the dial came along. The thing about those guys, the talk show hosts, is you know they all got small dicks. Take away their welfare cheatin-crack smoking-Affirmative action supporting-Clinton lovin bogeymen away and they get their ass kicked by the local neighborhood 10 watt pirate radio station. Or worse NPR. Where was I? Oh, the music these days. What has happened to the music I was raised on? The Ramones, Richard Hell, Television, stuff that sounded good. Now we got the bowel movements from Those Kids On Down The Block or Debra Gibson. I thought they got what was coming to them and would never surface again. It's got to be a conspiracy. How did we get from Nirvana to Rocky Martin? Or Whoolio Iglasias's Kid? And what about Cher? I thought she died water skiing? I need to be able to get into my car and let the music wash over me. Make me feel alive. Sure I could buy a cassette deck but it ain't the same. Not like searching for just the right tune, turning the knob and finding gold. I fear for todays kids. Now they turn on their little Walkmans or mp5 players and they get no surprises. No joy. They already know the music they are about to hear because they put it on. I myself need surprises. It's just what I'm being surprised with these days is really, really, really bad. Tonight I will say a little prayer for the future of rock n roll. That's all for now. |
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| 1999-12-12 | John McCain | |
| Ok, ok, it's not that anyone asked but I have stuff to say. To tell people. Not like every minute but sometimes. Not like everyday but maybe once a week or so. It's like things start bubbling up in my head. It starts to hurt. That's why I write this stuff. When I see things that bug me I gotta speak my mind. Beats climbing a clock tower. So it's like this, I don't get this campaign finance thing! Usually I stay out of others people's money problems. None of my business. At the muffler shop where I had my Buick worked on yesterday there was this magazine. On the cover were all these 100 dollar bills falling on white guys in blue suits. I guess they were running for office or something. The guy sitting next to me, he was getting the brakes checked on his 89 Datsun, he said it was a metaphor. Whatever the hell that is. They were not exactly trying to catch the dough but I think that's cuz there was someone around with a camera and they didn't want to look too greedy. When the flashcubes stopped you know they had their lackeys scoop everything they could carry. I read the story inside, well ok, I sort of read it and it was about this guy named John McCain. Or was it Joe? I think it was John. Anyway, he seemed kind of different. Not that he wasn't a blood sucking politician too but he was supposed to be less slimy than the rest of them. I guess that's why the guys in his party hate him so much. They call him crazy behind his back. Call him a ticking time bomb. A mental case because he only wants to take so much money before he says enough is enough. He never said in the article how much is too much but he sounded almost honest. Now you can go ahead and call me a pussy for believing in any guy running for office. What can I say? I Like Joe. And he is a hero on top of it! In one of our wars he got captured and had his ass kicked each day. And he never cried. Even though I voted for Clinton, I know for a fact that if he spent one day in a real war he'd nick himself shaving the first day in the bush and asked to be airlifted out to the states. Like to some VA hospital near a girls parochial school. I'm a Democrat but jeez he really is an asshole. I dig strange stuff as much as the next guy does. I mean I've been married three times so far. Right now I'm between situations. Umm. Where was I? Oh yeah, Clinton. That article said he charged people to sleep over at the White House. I don't think that's cool. You invite a friend over to crash and you don't hand him a bill after breakfast when he gets ready to leave.You know what I mean? So no, I don't like Clinton anymore. I kinda like his old lady even if she's running for something now too. If I had a wome like that I sure wouldn't rub her nose in my hobby like he does. What a dick! I should probably end this thing now because I need to catch Fastball with Chris Matthews on the cable. I learn a lot from Kris and his guests. Even though he talks faster than my blender on puree. Oh did I ever finish up on this campaign finance issue? We should change the way things work! Like for instance, don't give money to white guys in blue suits. They got enough of their own. Try dropping some coin on someone who needs it. That's sort of how I feel. Later |
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