| No Ring For Kobe |
| 2008-06-19 |
| Was I the only very, very, very happy person who watched the Celtics smash Kobe’s Lakers and put them out of their misery the other night? I doubt it. Ok, maybe the slobs you see in the line at Sizzler who scarf up all the good toppings for their sorta ice cream or the dudes on the freeway who flash their headlights at you from behind if you’re not doing at least 85 and when they get in front of you slow down to like 53 were bummed. What kind of God would make these people? Maybe the same God who gave life to Bush and that dweeb who caught the foul ball that cost the Cubs a chance at a World Series. I’m thinking just about everyone knows someone like Kobe Bryant. At the office. At the gym. At the neighborhood bar. A kinda ok guy when things go his way but when stuff go south he turns into a pure asshole. I gotta say I’m not the world’s greatest basketball player but I dig playing the game and short of dropping dead from a stroke the only thing worst would be being on the same team as Kobe. Used as a human Labrador retriever to go fetch the ball and wait until he is done shooting is not my idea of fun. You wonder how the guys who are made to play with him really feel? I know his posse gets paid millions to deal with it but if they really loved the game they would just walk off the court when he shoo’s them away and pulls from 30 feet out with 4 guys hanging on him. He’s kind of like the Donald Trump of the hardwood. He may not fire guys on the spot if they don’t feed him quickly enough he does makes it clear he ain’t happy. I would give my right testicle to just once see a Laker flip him off when starts whining about everyone but him not finishing around the hole. When he blows a gimme you’ll always see him turning to the ref’s with palms out begging for a bailout and most of the time they cave. So yeah, it was pretty cool to see a real team like Boston show him how it’s done. He may have gotten a few rings with Shaq but until he figures out the game has changed he’s probably not getting any more. It could happen I guess. Even the head dude from Libya saw the light and stopped helping people trying to blow us up. So you never know. Some day Kobe may figure it out. Or maybe not. I mean I know I really shouldn’t eat sugar out of those little packets at Denny’s but it’s tough to kick it. I’m down to 4 or 5 at a lunch. A couple more at late dinners. Until then I will keep up the hating cuz kids think this dude is cool and that ain’t right. I know it’s one thing when they’re outside playing alone in the driveway and pretending to be him and it’s another to try to do his act with real live teammates. A few times up and down the court and any wannabe will get his ass kicked. So kid’s, don’t be like Kobe! Someday you’ll thank me. Later. |
If you email Spike, he'll read it.
Copyright 2006 Spud Goodman Productions