| The Republican Convention |
| 2008-09-09 |
| I just saw that republican convention everyone was talking about. I know it happened like last week but I had my own stuff to do when it was on so my upstairs neighbor Greg recorded it and I borrowed it from him. It took up about 11 VHS tapes cuz he did it on that C-Span channel. Boy most of it was about the most boring tv I have ever watched. Even more than golf. The only thing that kept me awake until the end was knowing they were going to drop a butt load of balloons on the people. I’m a sucker for balloons. So what did I learn after watching this thing? Well, first of all I had no idea there were that many white people willing to join anything. Usually in like the PTA, YMCA, NCAA, AARP, NAACP, WNBA, NOW, PETA, FBI, CIA, CSI, G7 and AAA the people who belong come in all colors. You can usually find all sorts of non white people in just about any group or club but not this one. I read that there were only 37 black delegates (I think that's what they’re called) out of the thousands there and the only thing I could think of is how the hell did these 37 people ever slip into the place without the big wigs seeing them? I know they spread out cuz the only way I knew there were that many non white people in the building is I read about it in US magazine. If US says it’s so it is but it sure was tough to see even 37 of them on the tv screen. It must have been kinda like when the Germans took over all the countries around them way back in the time that Hitler dude was around. The Jewish people knew it was a good idea to go low profile so they spread out and just pretended to not be Jewish. I’m thinking if all the black people sat together at that republican convention someone would have turned on a water hose or something on them. Since it was on tv though there was not much they could do about it except sit next to them and pretend they didn’t have the heeby jeebies. I’ve heard at most of the republican conventions they usually rent a couple of not white dudes off the streets and put them in the front row for the tv cameras. I’m wondering since they decided to have it in Minnesota maybe there was only 37 people hanging out there so it was the best they could do on short notice. I know they must have got paid pretty good cuz they’re real big on that supply and demand thing. I mean every time one of the speakers said something about letting the free market decide the people in the crowd started crying. I swear a couple of the dudes looked like they were in a private booth or something they looked so happy. I don’t get it but I don’t get the Jonas Brothers either so what the heck. I was pretty pumped up to see the President and his buddy Cheney on the first night but I guess some rain storm was coming so they stayed home. The second night Bush did show up on tape or something but it just wasn’t the same and I never got the chance to see number 2 as I read he went hunting. The third night they had all the guys who got their ass kicked in the primaries come out and make fun of Obama. I guess that’s the booby prize for losing so bad. That creepy looking ex mayor guy from NYC really got snarky and the people loved his act. A lot of stuff about Obama being a “community organizer” when he got out of college whatever the hell that means. I’m thinking it was a job where he had to work with a lot of not white people cuz everyone really laughed whenever those two words were said. I always thought helping hungry and poor people was a job that even God would give a thumbs up to but maybe not cuz I read these republicans are closer to him than even angels so they should know. After the NYC dude finished his opening act the headliner of the night came out, that hot dish from Canada. She came on stage and seemed like someone you would see singing in a small room in Vegas, but she never did take off her glasses, let down her hair and started belting out Taylor Dayne covers. No, she just made fun of Obama too and they really, really, really loved her. Can’t say what she would do if she and McCain actually won but she did go over well. I mean the next day all I heard about on tv and the radio was this lady. How neat she was. How funny she was with the jokes they wrote for her. How much she loved her kids, her kids kids and her husband. Not much about those darn terrorists from that sandy part of the world and what to do about them. Not much about people losing their jobs and homes. Not much about people not being able to see a doctor except in one of those emergency rooms (which ain’t a lot of fun). But I guess she can figure that stuff out after she moves to DC. The last night (balloon night!) they rolled out McCain and he said some things he would do if he got elected. Most of it sounded sorta like what Obama had said but not as believable. Since I’m not a republican I had a hard time believing McCain was going to bring change. Don’t know exactly what change actually means but since this guy got hugged by Bush it’s going to be tough for him to pull it off. This brings me to the best part of the convention and even though republicans are kinda stale they didn’t screw up the balloon drop. It was awesome and I hit rewind a ton of times. So after sitting through it all I can say there is a difference between the two parties. Not real sure about the positions of each of them but the republicans look way more serious about winning this thing. The democrats seem more like party people and I’m not talking about a political party. I guess that’s why I’m one of them but if they want to win they are going to have to be way more meaner. It’s like they want to play touch football while the other team is playing angry with full contact chop blocks and brutal head shots. How many more times do they have to get crushed before they wise up? I’m thinking probably one more. Later. |
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Copyright 2006 Spud Goodman Productions