My P.O.V by Spike Jensen
 

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Why Do I Pee So Much?
2008-10-21

I don’t know if this is a problem for anyone reading this but I’m getting sorta tired of spending most of my life in the bathroom. Since I’m not a doctor or even watch ER and Scrubs anymore I don’t have a clue as to why I pee all the time. I’m no teenager but I’m not ready for the rest home either so I’m asking anyone out there if they have to pee so much too? I figure it’s a lot cheaper way to go than to have to pay some doctor for a cure cuz I haven’t had that insurance thing for health since 2002 when I was an assistant night manager at Jack N The Box (I never got it when I worked at Mickey D’s). I only had the gig for 5 months but I sure used it man. I must have seen the doc 50 times about junk I thought I had when I did use to watch ER and Scrubs. Now all I can do is just wonder without getting any answers. It’s creepy not knowing. At night I’m starting to feel like a vampire or something cuz I never get much sleep and I crash during the day. Do you feel me? Who would have thought peeing would be such a big deal? I did it all my life and never had any hassles with it and now it’s making me go crazy. I mean has anyone ever started a really hot dream when damn, you have to wake up and jog to the bathroom before you get to the really good part? It’s a total bitch and it can make you really grumpy. And I gotta ask, has anyone ever been able to re start a really hot dream after waking up? You know and still get to the good part? I never have. All I can do is start up another one that’s always totally lame compared to the hot one. When I get up to pee again all I can think of is how pissed off I am that I got cheated out of what I was dreaming about before I had to get up and pee one more time. I’m glad I’m not the president or someone important cuz at those times I could see myself blowing up the world or something. That’s why I thought this thing here would be a good place to bring the problem up and see if anyone had any ideas how I could go back to not having to pee so much.
If you think about it a normal person maybe pees 6 or 7 times a day if you don’t stay up all night or drink a couple cases of beer. If you added it up it might take up about 2 & ½ minutes of actual peeing. That doesn’t count the time you spend washing your hands (which I think is so stupid and a waste cuz all you did was touch your self) or looking in the mirror and wondering if you really do look that crappy or if it’s just a bad day. It’s really not that much of a time killer unless you drain yourself 14 to 15 times a day and that’s when you figure out that life is too short for this. If I’m at a bar or someplace that sticks up the newspaper above the urinal it’s a little better cuz I’m able to do that “multi tasking” thing (if I’m using that word right) and it’s not as boring but most of my peeing is at home and I don’t get the paper so it’s more single tasking (and a lot less fun). I’ve asked a couple of buddies if they had this thing too and all of them said no. One of them even started laughing at me saying maybe I needed to take some viagra or something. Now I don’t know much about that except what I see on tv 24/7 but if it did the job I’d head to Costco right now to buy a pallet full of it. Sure it would be a little embarrassing walking around with wood for up to 36 hours but if it’d keep me out of the can then bring it on. Does that give you an idea of how badly I want to not pee as much?
I’m sure a lot of you out there are probably saying right now “shut the hell up you little baby” and I hear you but have you ever peed so much in one night that you wondered if you flooded the sewer system? One morning I seriously called the city to see if they could trace pee and nail me. If you wanna know the answer is uh-uh but I still think the other people in my apartment kinda know about how many times I’m flushing. I can just see it in their faces so one way or another I’m gonna get this thing fixed. If you know any ideas how to take care of it let me know ASAP. I’m willing to try just about anything except maybe exercise. I saw that movie “The Exorcist” on cable and I’m still freaked out. Any other way but that and I’m up for it. So you know how to get ahold of me and I’ll be waiting. Later.





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