| Political Ads Suck |
| 2008-10-27 |
The time has finally come and in a couple days all those freaking tv ads about who to vote for will be over. Where have the car commercials gone? What about the Geico cavemen or even all the limp dick ads? For a hell of a long time all I’ve been hearing when I get up to pee is one asshole after another telling me how great they are and why I should vote for them. Right now I’m not liking many of these dildos who are betting just cuz they bury me with their face on my tv I’m going to think they’re really cool. No sale. Not happening. I may only have a GED but I’m not that stupid! Thank god I live in one of those not “battlefield” states cuz I don’t have to see my man Obama’s mug 24/7. I guess people in Florida, Ohio and ummmm Guam have to be getting sick of him by now. They might even have started to like mummy man McCain cuz he’s so broke the only ads he’s got are on public access. I really, really, really want this election to be over. I never even knew most of these local politicians who are now in my face were alive and now I wish they weren’t. As far as the national stuff goes I’m so confused about so many things after hearing so much bullshit. Like now I don’t know what to do when I grow up. About a year ago I almost went back to vocational school to try to be a plumber. Yeah ok now I know I would have gotten screwed on my taxes after Obama wins but so what? I know sometimes you have to take it up the butt if you love your country so I guess I would’ve had to deal with it. There are things though you could do to not get screwed when I got close to making 250,000 bucks. The first is I could just start having people pay me under the table when I fixed their toilet or sink. The Joe dude who said he would be pissed if he had to pay more taxes was a real dumb shit. Like anyone who makes that kind of dough doesn’t know how to hide it? Has he ever heard of one of those shelter thingy’s? Rich people use them all the time to not have to pay taxes. That’s one more neat thing about being loaded. I heard some republican guy on cable tv say he was afraid now that there would be a war between the rich and kinda poor (like me). He thought it was not nice for people without money to think bad stuff about people with money. Something about being a hater of the “American Dream.” I don’t hate people with bread or that dream, they’re fun to hang out with especially if they’re buying the beer so I still don’t understand what he was talking about. Sure there are some times when I’m a little jealous seeing a dude at a strip club buy 4 or 5 table dances in a row. No one I know has that kind of dough but who am I to rip him? I mean I have two choices, I can give the rich dude who’s getting all the table dances a dirty look or I can say it’s all good (and it is since he’s usually sitting right by me and I get free entertainment up close and personal) and be nice to him. In the last couple weeks I’ve been hearing a ton about this spreading the wealth around. That Joe the sorta plumber dude got kinda pissed off when he heard Obama say that but you’d think he would’ve liked it. What’s wrong with that guy in the strip club buying me a table dance once every 5 or 6 times he gets one? It’s not that he can’t afford it! I think if I was a rich guy I would definitely buy a few not so rich guys a table dance. Why? Cuz it’s the right thing to do. One of those win-win deals that makes the USA such a great country. I know the blondes and ex frat boys on FOX NEWS say Obama’s a socialist (I had to use a dictionary to spell that word) but nobody who watches any other channel buys it. I know a real socialist, she’s like 87 years old and lives in my apartment. Her name is Helen and the only way I knew she was something other than a democrat or republican was because she was always giving her money away. Like at the first of the month when her social security check comes she gives a few bucks to most of the homeless guys who crash outside our building. It’s not that she’s loaded or anything, I just think she doesn’t like to have a bunch of money hanging around in her checking account. I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those socialists cuz when I have some spare cash I like to spend it. I guess I’m one of those democrat’s but maybe one day if I do come into a ton of money I’ll be a republican. I could learn to buy low and sell high. It might even be fun but I’m pretty sure I won’t be one of them for a long, long time. One last thing about this election that’s bugging me and yeah, it’s coming from FOX NEWS (big surprise huh?. They’re saying the election shouldn’t count cuz fake people voted. Since rigging an election twice didn’t bother them when Bush won it sorta stinks. All they’re doing is what I used to do in little league. When we were about to play an awesome team and I knew we were going to get our ass kicked I told everyone that they cheated (a good one was saying they had like 19 year olds pretending they were our age) and if they didn’t they would get their ass kicked. Well the truth was most of the time we got killed it was by teams with players our own age, there was no cheating, saying it just made losing a little less of a drag. What the FOX NEWS creeps want you to think is Obama’s is not as popular as the voting numbers show. Instead of saying he’s not the right age they’re just making other shit up in hopes of faking you out. Let’s be real here. Do you think they want you to know that it’s so not cool to be a republican right now? The truth is they are trying to push Hummers and the New Kids On The Block and it’s a tough sell don’t you think? So you can keep watching them for a laugh like I do but remember it’s a cartoon. It’s not real. In my life if I run off a cliff chasing something I would fall and die. Later. |
If you email Spike, he'll read it.
Copyright 2006 Spud Goodman Productions