| Mail Call |
| 2008-11-21 |
| Since I’ve been getting a butt load of those e-mail thingy’s about this junk I write I figured I’d answer a few here to save me some time. To the guy who wrote “you have to be the dumbest dumbshit ever to log on to a computer” I say I don’t really have to log on since I use the ones at the library and they stay on 24/7. To the lady who said I shouldn’t make fun of vampires I say why not? I mean they’re about to get their face on cups at either Mickey D’s or Burger King and that’s about when things jump the whale don’t cha think? To the college kid from UPS who told me to stop giving crap to Sean Hannity I say kiss my ass. I mean this chubby dude spends his whole day on the radio and tv making fun of everybody who isn’t now or wasn’t at like one time a white frat boy and I can’t give it back to him? There’s three things that republican dudes do, join frats, play golf and stay away from those who don’t do either. I got a sorta nice e-mail from this lady from Texas who said she liked my story about finding that iPod at the Jack N Box parking lot on 6th Ave. She didn’t like the fact that I kept it but sorta understood why I didn’t turn it in cuz we both really like lime green stuff. She said last year she found a lime green cigarette lighter and kept it too. That’s why she thinks she broke both legs falling down the stairs at home. She wrote this long story about that “karma” thing and how something terrible is going to happen to me if I don’t find the owner of (my) the iPod. I told her I would think about it cuz I really do need one with a lot more of those giggy something’s. Some dude from I don’t know where sent me this poem that kinda made me sad. I won’t tell you the whole thing but part of it said “Spike is a jerk”. It didn’t rhyme much so I don’t know if you could really call it a poem but he did so I’ll give him a pass. Another guy sent me one of those death threats saying if I didn’t stop saying bad things about Rush Limbaugh he would take care of me. Like I’m scared? He doesn’t know the neighborhood I live in. It’s way outside the green zone and people like him don’t last long. I hope he comes to my apartment for a visit cuz he won’t make it past the three gangs that use the doorway to the building as a clubhouse. That’s the thing about these e-mails, people say stuff to feel real tough but anybody who uses them to scare people usually look like Dwight on that Office tv show. I got something from a girl in NYC that made me think. She read my “blog” about the Jonas Brothers and thought I was too hard on her favorite band in the world. I guess calling them no talent dweebs pissed her off and I can dig why. I mean when I was her age I was totally into Grand Funk Railroad. Who am I to say whose worthy? Ummmm Ok, maybe I’m not that smart and have really bad taste but even I know when a band blows so I guess this is one of those deals where it was ok to make a teenage girl cry cuz it was for her own good. I know for a fact that time will take care of everything. I told her to get back to me when she got to college and she could unload on all the lame bands an old man like me digs. That’s the cool thing about getting older. It gets better. You start off liking icky stuff like Barney and move on to Disney crap but you finish up around the time you hit college having just about the best taste you will have in your lifetime. Though I went to voc school instead I knew that time was my peak and most everything after those years would be downhill. I think the rule is about 28 or 29 when people start getting stale and we rot at about 37 (give or take a year or two) and only listen to “oldies”. Why? I don’t know for sure. There’s a ton of crap I don’t have the answers for like if there’s a God how did Dancing With The Stars happen? It just does so I hope she has a nice life. The last e-mail I should give props to is some dude from I think that sandy part of the world where the wars are. He said all the expected junk like death to America and stuff but he also asked if I knew anyone who is tight with Obama cuz he really wants to move here. Not to my apartment building but to the USA and I told him I’d try and pass it on to someone in DC. Maybe it will get to Obama and he’ll say it’s ok for this guy to come live here cuz I know the new Prez is into making people that don’t like each other get along. I had some others too but don’t have time to send a shout out to them all. Maybe next week. Right now I gotta head down to the Laundromat fast cuz I left a load of my underwear in the dryer and don’t need any chicks to see my Scooby-Doo boxers. Later. |
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