| The Obama Recession? |
| 2008-12-01 |
| I was at the barber shop yesterday and this old guy who’s really into that Rush Limbaugh dude was there. He walks around with these really big head phones hooks up to one of those walkmans listening to him every day. I don’t get it but he fought in like the Korean war or something so all of us at the barber shop are nice to him. I don’t remember who started talking about Obama but once he heard his name he sorta went off about him screwing up this country. He said something about the “Obama Recession” which I sure as hell didn’t get. I guess that hillbilly heroin addict is telling his radio peeps the reason no one has any dough right now is cuz of Obama. That he caused that stock market place to go up in smoke. I don’t know exactly what a “401J” is either but I guess Obama’s the reason people don’t have much of that left too. It just didn’t make much sense to me. I mean he just got elected and I don’t think he’s actually the head cheese until like March or something so how can he be a fuck up so soon? The old guy says Rush said all the rich important people think Obama’s going to rape their cash so they’ve started stashing it in some tiny Island called Klaymand where they don’t like to write stuff down and keep records. He thinks they’ll park it there until either something bad happens to our new president or he gets impeached for being black. I don’t know much about the “economy” cuz I flunked every math class I ever had to sit through but I’m not alone cuz I don’t think many other people can figure it out either. I mean Bush is leaving office with like a 700 gazillion bounced check. He had 8 years to learn how to balance the countries bank account but he couldn’t do it. I heard on that Fastball tv show it had something to do with his tax cuts for the fat cats and I read that they’re about the only ones in this country who don’t hate his guts right now. Getting back to the old guy at the barbershop, he said the first thing our new prez is going to do is put his face on a 35 dollar bill and maybe even put LeBron James’s face on a 60 dollar bill. I asked him where he’d heard that and he said some guy who was filling in for Rush last week. I guess Rush was on vacation to that Klaymand Island. The old guy also said he heard the Obama’s are gonna re paint the White House purple cuz they want Prince (the music guy not some royal dude) to feel comfortable there when he sleeps over. I sorta like purple but not as much as Orange but I think whoever lives there should get to choose what color to paint it. That sounds fair don’t cha think? After I left the barber shop I got to thinking and it seemed to me that life is tough enough without being blamed for stuff you had nothing to do with. I mean it’s kind of scary cuz say a lady I’m dating starts to blame me for sleeping with some other lady before I actually do, how fair is that? If I’m going to go down on that rap then I want the good stuff that goes along with the deal before all hell breaks out. I mean I’ve been shot at, slugged in the face with a baseball bat and stabbed a couple times, hell I’ve even got my ass kicked by a guy too but the thing is every time I deserved it. I did the crime and I got what was coming to me. That’s how life is supposed to be. Now that Obama can see that about 46% of this country is going to tag him with anything and everything he should just flip them off, tell them to take all their flag lapel thingy’s and move to Alaska or something. I know, I know he’s always saying we need to change the way politicians act, like in 2000 when Bush's people went to a Kinko's in South Carolina and printed up a bunch of flyers saying “don’t vote for McCain cuz he had a black baby with some hooker.” It may be wrong but it worked in that state so sometimes you just have to be ready to fight back! I’m thinking of sending him a note with a bunch of snappy comebacks he could use on national tv at one of his press conferences cuz he’s just too damn nice and nice people get beat up by not so nice people. He could drop one of them on that dweeb Carl Cameron from FOX NEWS. When he asks some smart ass question Obama should say Carl, before I like answer your freaking stupid question I just want to ask you is it true that Sean Hannity wears an adult diaper on his show? That would totally throw him off and mess up the haters cuz they’re so used to getting in the first punch. I remember my dad always told me a quick kick in the nuts before they know what’s happening is a winner every time. If Obama reads what I’m gonna send him and doesn’t feel it would be cool for a president to talk smack then he should just give the lines to his wife cuz she doesn’t play. That is one woman who I would never, ever mess with. I’m just waiting until she’s had enough of Limbaugh’s posse and she starts to throw down on them. It won’t be some wimpy line about a “right wing conspiracy” (what the hell does that mean?) no when the time is right she’ll go mixed martial arts on their butts and it won’t be pretty. Mrs. Obama seems like someone who’ll not just stand by her man but also jump in front and crush anyone who even thinks they can punk him. I sure would like to have someone like her watching my back. I wonder if you have to marry someone before they’re willing to step up liker her? Man, it might even be worth it someday. Anyway, today when I saw that old guy from the barber shop I asked him if he knew Limbaugh is behind Safeway not carrying low fat chunky peanut butter anymore (he loves the stuff), those sneaky pirates jacking boats in the ocean near some sandy African country and Mad TV being cancelled. He said he had no idea and got really pissed off. He took off his headphones for the first time I’ve ever seen and said he was through with him. I know I should feel kinda bad telling an old dude some big fat lies but we gotta do what we gotta do to fight back. I finally figured out if you throw out enough lies something will stick. It’s worked for Limbaugh so count me in cuz it’s the American way these days. Kinda sad huh? Later. |
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