| Good & Bad List Of 2008 |
| 2008-12-31 |
2008 GOOD/BAD LIST BAD BUSH/CHENEY GOING AWAY – NOW WHO CAN I HATE AND BLAME EVERYTHING ON? IT’S TOUGH FINDING PEOPLE SO BAD THAT YOU FEEL SO GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. WHAT I’M SAYING HERE IS THESE TWO STOOGES FUCKED UP SO BAD THAT OTHER FUCK UPS AROUND THE WORLD ENDED UP NOT BEING THE WORST FUCK UPS SO WE ALL KINDA OWE THEM. RIGHT NOW I REALLY NEED TO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE QUICK TO TAKE THEIR PLACE. TOM CRUISE – IT WAS BAD ENOUGH WAY BACK WHEN HE TRIED TO PLAY THAT VIETNAM VET WITH THE DROOPY MUSTACHE WHO HAD TO GET AROUND IN A WHEELCHAIR. HE WAS SOOOO BAD HE MADE ME PUKE BUT NOW HE THINKS JUST BY PUTTING ON SOME NAZI CLOTHES HE CAN PULL THIS ONE OFF IN HIS NEW MOVIE CALLED V SOMETHING. HE DOESN’T EVEN TRY TO DO SOME LAME GERMAN ACCENT, HE SOUNDS LIKE A DUDE TAKING YOUR ORDER AT AN In N Out. WHEN IS HE GONNA QUIT TRYING TO ACT AND JUST BE TOM CRUISE LIKE IN THAT JERRY SOMETHING OR COCTAIL MOVIE? HE DIDN’T TOTALLY SUCK IN THOSE. HE MIGHT THINK HE’S SOME HIGH FALUTIN LIZARD BUT IN MY BOOK HE’S JUST A PINT SIZE SHOW OFF WITH TINY SKILLS. MONEY – WHERE DID IT ALL GO? IT SEEMED RICH PEOPLE HAD PLENTY OF IT AND NOW IT’S LIKE GONE. NOT THAT I FEEL SORRY FOR THEM OR ANYTHING BUT IT KINDA MESSES WITH MY HEAD WHEN I SEE PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE BREAD USING COUPONS LIKE ME AT SAFEWAY. I EVEN HEARD THAT LOADED GUYS ARE TAKING THE BUS THESE DAYS. I GUESS SOME OF THEM ARE SAYING THEY’RE DOING IT CUZ OF SOMETHING ABOUT MAKING A “SMALLER CARBON FOOTPRINT” WHATEVER THE HELL THAT MEANS. ALL I KNOW IS THEY'RE TAKING UP SPACE AND I’M HAVING A HARD TIME FINDING A SEAT! RICH PEOPLE NEED TO MAKE SOME MORE MONEY AND GET OUT OF MY FACE. MY SEATTLE SONICS – THEY ARE NOW THE OKIE DOKIES AND ARE LIKE 3-29 AT THIS SECOND SOON TO BE EVEN WORSE. DO I FEEL BETTER THAT THEY ARE THE WORST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF THE NBA? YES, BUT I WON’T SLEEP WELL UNTIL CLAY BENNETT AND HIS POSSE BURN IN HELL TO A CRISP. IF THERE WAS EVER A BUNCH OF PRICKS WHO NEEDED TO LIVE THROUGH A REAL LIFE VERSION OF “IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE” WITH A WAY UGLIER ENDING IT’S THESE ASSHOLES. KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED. REPUBLICANS – REMEMBER THEM? THEY USED TO BE EVERYWHERE AND NOW IT’S LIKE SOMEONE SPRAYED A BIG CAN OF RAID AND THEY WENT BYE-BYE. I GUESS THERE’S STILL A FEW OF THEM IN LIKE A COUPLE STATES NEAR THAT “DIXIE” AREA BUT THEY ARE WIPED OUT IN THE REST OF THE USA. IF YOU START TO MISS THEM YOU CAN ALWAYS TUNE INTO LIMBAUGH OR HANNITY. THEY LIVE IN THIS PRETEND WORLD WHERE WHITE MEN STILL RULE AND EVERYONE ELSE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF THEIR WAY. IT’S A NICE PLACE (FOR THEM) BUT I DON’T THINK THEY WILL EVER LEARN THAT IT ONLY EXISTS IN THEIR MINDS. MAYBE THEY WILL WHEN THEY ARE DOING THEIR TALK SHOWS ON HAM RADIO REAL SOON. VAMPIRES – THESE THINGS ARE EVERYWHERE AND YOU KNOW THEY SUCK WHEN EVERY KID AT MALLS IN THIS COUNTRY IS BUYING SOMETHING ABOUT EM. IT WOULD BE ONE THING IF VAMPIRES WERE MAKING SOME BREAD OFF THIS SCAM BUT NO, IT’S SOME 40 ISH LADY NAMED STEPHANIE SOMETHING WHO SEEMS TO BE MAKING MOST OF THE MONEY AND IT AIN’T RIGHT. DOES ANYONE THINK SHE’S CUTTING IN ANYBODY ON THIS? VAMPIRES MAY BE DEAD AND STUFF BUT THEY GOTTA PAY THE RENT TOO. I SAY THEY SHOULD SUE HER FOR AT LEAST 10 %. THIS DIGITAL TV THING – LIKE NOW I CAN’T USE MY RABBIT EARS ON MY BEDROOM TV? OK I HAVE CABLE IN MY LIVING ROOM (I SHOULD ADMIT I SPLICED INTO MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS LINE) AND THAT I LIVE IN A ONE ROOM APARTMENT SO I GUESS I COULD STILL SEE THE TV WITH CABLE FROM MY BED BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME AS HAVING A TV RIGHT NEXT TO WHERE I CRASH. EVEN THOUGH WITH THE FREAKING RABBIT EARS I CAN ONLY GET 2 STATIONS IT HELPS ME GO TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. NOW IN FEBRUARY I WILL HAVE TO GO TO SLEEP TO WHITE NOISE AND I DON’T THINK I’M GONNA LIKE IT. THIS IS BAD. GOOD BARACH OBAMA – DID ANYONE EVER THINK WE WOULD HAVE A PRESIDENT WITH SIX PACK ABS? ONLY IN THE MOVIES WOULD THIS HAPPEN. AND HOW ABOUT ONE WHO IS COOLER THAN ANY ROCK STAR OUT THERE? DID I MENTION HE WASN’T WHITE? OK ALL WHITE? HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN? AM I DREAMING? IT’S LIKE SOMEONE IS GONNA SCREAM “PSYCHE!” REAL SOON AND JOHN McCAIN WILL BE BACK TALKING ABOUT JOE THE CARPENTER 24/7 AGAIN. IF THIS REALLY DID HAPPEN THEN I GUESS ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IN THIS COUNTRY. EVEN A BLACK DUDE WINNING IN VIRGINIA AND FLORIDA. TINA FEY – OK, I SHOULD SAY UP FRONT THAT I’VE HAD LIKE MULTIPLE WET DREAMS SHE HAS STARRED IN FOR YEARS. I DIDN’T JUST PICK UP THE LUST THING AFTER SHE PRETENDED TO BE SARAH PALIN BUT IT DID TAKE IT TO ANOTHER LEVEL. I MEAN I DO FIND THE REAL SARAH PALIN TO BE KINDA HOT BUT SINCE SHE WOULD PROBABLY SAY SOMETHING THAT WOULD MAKE ME LOSE THE MOOD REAL QUICK I WOULD HAVE TO ERASE HER FROM MY MENTAL HARD DRIVE. I FOUND THAT HAVING TINA PLAY HER WAS ONE OF THOSE WIN-WIN DEALS. I GOT TO LOOK AT A HOT CHICK WHO WAS ALSO REALLY SMART (EVEN THOUGH THAT USUALLY SCARES ME) SO IT WAS ALL GOOD. THE CELTICS BEAT KOBE – A REAL TEAM BEAT A SUPERSTAR AND HIS SUPPORTING CAST. IT DOSEN’T GET MUCH BETTER FOR HOOP FANS. HEY IT’S NOT LIKE KOBE DOESN’T ALREADY HAVE A FEW RINGS ANYWAY FOR THOSE WHO DIG THIS EGO MANIAC. IS HE THE BEST PLAYER IN THE LEAGUE? FOR TWO MORE YEARS AND THEN LJ WILL SQUISH HIM LIKE A LADY BUG. VAMPIRES – YEAH THEY’RE LAME BUT THE CHICKS DIG THEM SO THEY CAN’T BE ALL BAD. OR AT LEAST I GOTTA PRETEND THEY AREN’T ALL THAT BAD. I SHOULD ADMIT WITHOUT VAMPIRES AND ALL THEIR NAKED WOMEN ON THAT TRUE BLOOD SHOW IT I WOULDN’T BE WATCHING HBO NEARLY AS MUCH. DON’T EXACTLY KNOW WHY ALL THESE HOT WOMEN FALL FOR VAMPIRES AND DON’T REALLY CARE AS LONG AS THEY KEEP TAKING THEIR TOPS OFF. I MEAN IT BEATS LOOKING AT BILL MAHER’S FACE ALL THE TIME. KEITH OLBERMANN – I DIDN’T THINK SOME ESPN DUDE COULD PULL OFF BEING A MSNBC DUDE TOO BUT HE DID. HE IS SO GOOD THAT HE MAY EVEN TRY DOING THE WEATHER! I KNOW EVERY DAY THAT I WATCH HIS SHOW I FEEL A LOT BETTER WHEN HIS WORST PERSON OF THE WORLD THING IS OVER AND I’M NOT ONE OF THEM. HOW BAD WOULD THAT BE? DO YOU THINK BILL O’REILLY CAN EVEN SHOW HIS FACE AT THANKSGIVING OR CHRISTMAS WITH THE FAMILY? HE MUST JUST STAY IN SOME PRIVATE BUNKER AND WAIT OUT THE HOLIDAYS. KEITH IS ONE GUY YOU DON’T WANT TO MESS WITH AND THAT’S WHY I NEVER MISS HIM UNLESS I’M BUSY DOING SOMETHING ELSE. RECORD COMPANIES NOT SUING ME – SO NOW I CAN STOP WORRYING ABOUT SOME SUIT AT A RECORD COMPANY MAKE TO ME PAY THEM 300 THOUSAND BUCKS JUST CUZ I BORROWED A FEW OF THEIR STUPID SONGS. YEAH MAYBE I LET A COUPLE BUDDIES BORROW A FEW TUNES FROM ME AND OK MAYBE THEY LET THEIR BROTHER OR SISTER BORROW A SONG OR THREE AND THEY LOANED THEIR FRIENDS MAYBE ONE MP3 BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE THEY WENT FROM THERE SO SUE ME. OK, DON’T SUE ME CUZ I DON’T HAVE ANY BREAD ANYWAY. GAS – IF I OWNED A CAR THEN I WOULD BE PRETTY HAPPY RIGHT NOW. NOT ABOUT THE CAR CUZ IT WOULD PROBABLY BE A PIECE OF CRAP BUT AT LEAST I WOULDN’T HAVE TO SELL MY BLOOD TO BUY A QUARTER TANK OF GAS ANYMORE. FOR A WHILE IT WAS MORE EXPENSIVE THAN WEED (OR AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TOLD) SO NOW THAT PEOPLE WILL HAVE MORE MONEY IN THEIR POCKETS THEY CAN MAYBE BUY FOOD. I GUESS IT’S BAD FOR THOSE PEOPLE IN THAT SANDY PART OF THE WORLD WHO SELL OIL SO IT’S NOT ALL GOOD FOR EVERYONE. IT SEEMS LIKE IT’S ALWAYS THAT WAY WITH THIS “FREE MARKET” THING, SOMEONE WINS AND SOMEONE LOSES BUT IF THE WORLD DOSEN'T EXPLODE AND EVERYONE LOSE THEIR JOBS THEN 2009 HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER YEAR THAN 2008. THAT’S MY CALL AND I’M STICKING TO IT. LATER |
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Copyright 2006 Spud Goodman Productions