| Three America's |
| 2009-02-25 |
So how messed up is this country right now? Is it me or do other people seem like they’re watching a totally different movie than you? I kinda know a little bit about the first time this went down, when people wore like blue and gray. Since I’m into mostly black I hope I don’t ever have to chose either of those colors to put on cuz they both look really lame. Anyway, that Chris dude on his Fastball show talked for like an hour about America being “divided” and since that sounded like a bad thing I’ve been thinking if there is something I could do to help out. I know you’ve all heard about the “Two America’s” line but that just isn’t true. Anyone with a brain knows there’s at least 3 America’s right now. You got your Obama likers, your Obama haters and you got your aliens. Not those guys from Mexico and Brazil who do stuff we’re too freaking lazy to do, I’m talking about real aliens from outer space. You know they’re here and living in your neighborhoods right now. How can anyone say this ain’t true? Maybe you’ve never had some green guy put his ring finger up your ass but you sure as hell have at least waved to them walking down the street cuz they’re everywhere! Not as many as the Democrats but they got those Republicans beat and from what I’ve heard they totally dig Obama. So many people were wondering after the election how did a hoop playing black man beat some white war hero? It was them aliens man. Did you really think that Sarah Palin lady was human? And who do you think stepped up and made sure Joe the Plumber was bigger than the Beatles on Ed Sullivan? It was those damn aliens. As for Bush, I think they just let him be. I know that people on the blue and gray sides each have their own tv and radio stations to park their brains. Places that make them feel they aren't retarded but what about the aliens? Where do they go? Maybe they’re into ESPN, HBO or the Food Network. I’m guessing they aren’t really into the political thing cuz after awhile it does get kinda boring. I bet all they want is an America that doesn’t blow up the whole world before they take it over and that’s why they chose the blue side. Nothing against the gray guys but they sure do seem to be against most everything except low (no) taxes, off shore banks and no sex except with prostitutes. It just seems they don’t know it’s not 1957 anymore and maybe that’s why their team keeps getting smaller and smaller every year. I mean at the rate it’s going they might have to rent some people to play republicans at their next convention. I know both teams spent a butt load of cash in the last election going after those swinger voters but if they had just asked the aliens what they wanted it would have been way cheaper. Since I’m not a real alien (though I really liked the first The Day The Earth Stood Still) I can’t say for sure if they even care about a capital gains tax cut or health care for everyone. I mean they don’t need cash or worry about getting cancer so who knows? Maybe they love Obama cuz he is one of them. I know most of the gray team thinks he wasn’t born in America and it’s possible they could be right. If he is an alien then maybe he might do something really cool sometime when he’s giving one of those state of the state speeches, when people start falling asleep. Like spin around and turn Joe Biden into a can opener or a lava lamp just to see if everyone is still listening. Now that would be worth slapping a tape in the old VCR. I’m pretty sure all three America’s want this country to hang around for a few hundred years more no matter who the president is. Ok, maybe a couple of the gray team radio talk show hosts would rather see those end of days come right before the 2012 election but most everyone else would rather live I think. Now some people might wonder if we only had two America’s, the blue team and the aliens, would we be ok? Maybe, Maybe not. I sorta think we need all three as the gray team makes me want to read the paper and watch a lot of stale political shows on cable. They make stuff almost interesting cuz they’re such pig fuckers you always gotta watch your back. Especially on the golf course. So whatever team you’re on right now, even the one who wasn’t born in America it’s time to suck it up and deal with this depressing recession thing going down. It’s getting so bad that I had to buy off brand corn nuts at the dollar store and let me tell you they taste horrible. When things do start to get better around this country then the blue and gray teams can go back to hating each other so much but for now can’t we all just pretend we don’t hate each other so much? I’m thinking I’ll start off by watching that gray team tv program Fox & Friends tomorrow morning and try not to scream cuss words really, really loud at the dumb as a rock blonde lady and the two doofus dudes who host this freak show. It’s a start and I’ll let you know how it goes. Later. |
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