| Blog Whore |
| 2009-05-29 |
I wanna wanna be a blog whore. Don’t know exactly what that is but from some of the stuff I’ve read it’s a pretty good gig. Man all you have to do is say nice things about junk that somebody’s selling and they slip you bread or at least some freebies. Like if I said I really, really like Skippy chunky low fat peanut butter, I mean really like it cuz it’s tastes so damn good there’s a chance I could get a check in the mail. Now who wouldn’t like that deal? Even if I thought Skippy peanut butter sucked (which I don’t, seriously, I don’t) I would just need to say I loved it. Pretty simple huh? I’m kinda wondering why everybody who does these blog thingy’s don’t say something nice about a certain kind of toothpaste or toilet paper? Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and not clued you guys into what’s going down these days on the internets. Why tell people how to do this cuz sooner or later everyone will be on it and the companies will run out of money and free stuff to give me? That’s a good point but since I’ve already let it out of the bag you might as well get a piece of the action too. I guess diapers are the sure thing. Write something about a brand of diapers and say you think it might help your baby become a lawyer or a DJ cuz they’re so comfortable. I can almost guarantee you will get something out of it. I read that mom’s are able to get a butt load of free stuff for just telling other mom’s about whatever they bought that day at Safeway. The article said you didn’t even have to give it a thumbs up, just don’t be too brutal like say it gave you the crabs or killed your cousin. Some lady got a years supply of silly string for saying her kids think it’s pretty neat but sorta messy. Another wrote that her husband didn’t mind eating pickled pigs feet even though they made him vomit all night. They dumped a pallet of it in her driveway, like 250 cases of those slimy things and she then sold them at the swap meet for almost 2,000 bucks. Not bad at all huh? I know I have wrote in my blog thingy about not being a sell out and how lame that would be but this is too sweet a deal to act like some indie goody two shoes. Or three shoes. I think everyone will be ok with me if I start dropping a few words about things I might buy at the store if I had the cash. It’s not like I’m a total whore. I’m gonna be honest and tell most of the truth a lot of the time. Like if I said that Vaseline is a good thing to always have around it would be true even though it’s a bitch to get off your hands. Or how cool charcoal lighter fluid is but can totally blow up in your face like napalm if you spray it into the fire for longer than a minute straight. I’m thinking this is sorta like a written version of that product placement deal they are doing so much these days in movies and tv. Like you are watching one of those CSI shows and all of a sudden a Twinkie comes on the screen, in the hand of a dead hobo. Even though the guy is dead you don’t hold it against the Twinkie. I mean any hobo could be lying in the street dead but this one just happens to be holding a Twinkie so it still kinda makes you want one too. Or when you see rappers on tv with those gold grills in their mouths, without actually seeing a human do this I know I would never have thought of trying it myself. Someday I’m gonna give this look a shot, maybe when my dentist retires. He’s kinda old and would freak if I showed up with it on at my next cleaning so it would be best to wait a few years on that one. Who would have thought that people can actually get something for writing a bunch of words? I know reporters get paid for coming up with stories but they are pro’s not some doofus who likes to crank out crap about Star Trek (the tv show not the movies) or about how much he digs ranch dressing on his waffles. In the old days (last year) the only people who would read this garbage would be the guy who wrote it and his mom. Now there are these robot’s hiding in peoples computers who search for words about stuff someone’s selling and the companies read all about it the next day. So before I end this thing I should really give a shout out to Trojan Magnum’s with reservoir tips, Camel non filters, Double Bubble gum, Wheat Thins, French’s Mustard, Chevy Nova’s, Cool Whip, Bud Light, Draino, Butterfingers, Top Ramen, Crest, Kraft Mac N Cheese, Snap On Tools, Duncan Yo-Yo’s, Elmer’s glue, Jiffy Pop, Hustler, Lava soap, Lipton Tea, Lysol, Milk Bone Dog Biscuits, Hormel Chili, Johnson & Johnson anything, Tampax Tampons, Suave Shampoo, Miracle Whip, Raisin Bran, Right Guard, Jumbo Jacks, Kirby Vacuum Cleaners, Clearasil, Cherry Garcia, Wonder Bread, Kleenex and Heinz Ketchup cuz I love all this stuff (except for Wheat Thins, I can’t lie). I will take checks from any bank I have heard of but would rather it be a money order. If you plan to send freebies don’t bother with the Wheat Thins ok? Later. |
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