| Vacations |
| 2009-07-15 |
| It’s like summer and people think you are mental if you don’t take a vacation so I gotta figure out where I’m going but it’s not that easy. I mean I could go over to my best friend Greg’s trailer on the river. He bought it from a guy who called it his “vacation” trailer. Greg just calls it home. Since he’s been out of work for like 4 years he can’t afford to go anywhere which is kinda ok cuz the local community college kids skinny dip in the river during the summer and it’s way cheaper than Cinemax for him. Once in awhile they even invite him to join them but not that often cuz who wants to skinny dip with a with a bald 450 pound dude? When he does a sort of cannon ball he kills things so most of the time he just watches. I was walking in the mall yesterday and I hear these people who were leaving Nordstrom’s talking about going to like Europe for their vacation and it just seemed wrong to me. I mean why spend all that money to go to some far away place where you can’t even watch the local news? You will never know how many people in your city were murdered or robbed? Who died or who was arrested? Which local teacher had sex with one of their students? What senior citizen won the lottery this time? I know I hate not knowing this stuff so being far away is a deal breaker for me. This means I just have to keep my vacation spot in America which is ok cuz it will cost a lot less and also I haven’t visited much of this country yet. Except for the Alamo (when I was 4 years old) and the house in California where Sammy Hagar was born. That was pretty cool and I’ll never forget it. The lady who lives next door to the old house Sammy grew up in sells these cassette tapes with his early stuff from when he jammed in his garage. I guess whenever he started to rock out she just turned on the reel to reel and taped everything. She told me she’s never even ask him if it was ok. Said something about all the nights he kept her up she might as well get something out of it. I still have my copy that has a monster version of Happy Birthday on it and if anyone wants me to dub a copy for them let me know. When I was growing up we didn’t have a lot of bread so most of the vacations my parents took me on were at campgrounds but they did have to have showers and places to plug in stuff. My mom said she wouldn’t ever sleep anywhere she couldn’t plug in her hot rollers so that left out a lot of places to camp. Once we went to this lake where you could catch a butt load of perch and bullheads in less than 5 minutes. It was so cool that I never wanted to leave but I still remember my mom yelling at my dad when it got dark that if we didn’t leave right away she was going to divorce him (which she did anyway eleven years later so why the hell did he wuss out?). The place had outhouses but no electricity so I had to leave behind this huge string of fish and I was crying like a baby which I wasn’t cuz I was like almost 18. One place I really would like to visit is the Wham-O factory where they make Frisbee’s. Don’t know exactly what state it’s in but I’ve always wanted to go see them being made. I bet they have like a discount store there too where they sell flawed Frisbee’s real cheap. Like 4 for a buck or something. I could totally stock up on them and when I went to the ocean and made a bad throw out in the deep part where there’s a rip tide I could just laugh it off and pull out another new one. How cool would that be? Or I could go play Frisbee golf and not sweat losing a bunch of them in the woods after crappy shots. You really can’t have too many Frisbee’s. I read in some magazine that Americans take less vacations than any other country in the world that has running water and at least one Starbucks. It said we are workaholics whatever the hell that means. I guess in some countries they take a month or two off cuz it’s the law. If that happened here in the USA there’d be no one around in the summer handling the drive thru windows at all the fast food places. Or who would guess your weight or charge you 8 bucks for an elephant ear at the county fair? I know vacations are the best part of the year but what if everyone did take theirs all at the same time? Talk about a buzz kill. So I guess it’s good that most people these days can’t afford to be on vacation for longer than a 3 day weekend. Any more than that and people have to hit the Money Store and pay through the nose for the next 12 months. What fun is that? I guess it’s time to quit writing and decide where the hell I’m going to spend my vacation at. When I figure it out I will let you know how it went. All the gory details. For those who have already taken theirs this summer I say tomorrow might be a good day to use a couple days of sick leave cuz in like January or February what good is the time going to do you then? I mean it’s really hard to find a campground that’s open and no one could even go with you anyway cuz they have to work so start practicing the fake cough and make the flipping call to the boss when you get up tomorrow. There’s even a decent chance he or she’s called in sick too. I mean it’s the summer right? Even dickhead managers need to have some fun. Later. |
If you email Spike, he'll read it.
Copyright 2006 Spud Goodman Productions