My P.O.V by Spike Jensen
 

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Network TV Is Toast
2009-09-26
When was the funeral held for the good stuff that’s gone now from network tv? I know there’s a tiny bit of good funny stuff still around here and there but the good not so funny stuff is gone daddy gone. Like for good. I didn’t see anything in the paper about it. Nothing in the TV Guide’s I go over each week at the library and not a word about it in People magazine either. It must have been one of those deaths that they hoped no one notices. If you don’t watch network tv I guess they might have pulled it off but since I do sometimes I kinda feel I should be like that Tom Revere dude from way back who yelled into his mister microphone that someone was coming only this time I need to tell everyone that it’s about something going. Like shows that are interesting and not written for the folks at the senior center or bingo hall down by the reservation. Or by some ex sales clerk punk from a Hot Topic at the mall. What happened to Hill Street Blues? St. Elsewhere? Twin Peaks? Would somebody out there let me know? Ok, you can find old re runs of them on that internet thingy but on regular tv all we have are all these lame dead body shows, more dead body shows and another copy cat dead body show from Cincinnati or some place. It’s a good thing they put these shows in all the different cities cuz by now they would have run out of living people to kill if they did just one show in one place like say Fort Worth. No one would even bother tuning in after the first couple seasons cuz most people like their tv murders kinda creepy but not totally fake. That’s why every time a blonde girl in real life goes missing somewhere all the cable news shows get billions of white people to sit and watch until they find the body. It’s kinda sick huh? But all these people have spent years watching the made up stuff so when someone that looks like them actually gets murdered I guess they can’t get enough of it. I always wondered though why no Mexicans or blacks ever get killed by psycho’s? They must be really lucky as I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of their dead faces on cable news.
Now at like 10:00 pm you get Jay Leno staring you in the face. Every night of the week! Geez, it was lame enough at 11:30 when you were usually 60% crashed out on the couch. He could be interviewing Jennifer Anniston or Betty White it wouldn’t make much difference cuz you weren’t listening to words, just taking in the noise that helps you get to the 40 % you need to nod off. I heard soon all the tv networks will be putting on a butt load of those infomercials and religious preachers at 10:00 cuz everyone will be either high or asleep if they don’t have cable. Lucky my neighbor still lets me splice into his line. He only charges me 3 bucks a month and I have to wash his cat sometimes. Not a bad deal huh?
I’m pretty sure I would die if all I had was network tv. That would mean no Breaking Bad, no Sons Of Anarchy, no Rescue Me. Don’t know if life would be worth much and chances are decent I’d be a heroin addict if my cable hook up goes south. That’s a fact. Maybe you don’t care much for tv. It’s possible you are one of those people who have "other" stuff to do. Maybe you don’t even own a tv but you gotta know that if you are ever forced to sit down and kill a couple hours in front of the tube just pray for something big to have happened so they pull all the weak crap they had scheduled and go with the always depressing (but interesting) “Breaking News”. 4 or 5 hours can go by quick staring at the set before you realize you forgot to go to the bathroom or pick up the kid at day care. You just can’t get enough and then whatever bad thing happned is over and they put all their regular crap back on. It's probably then you remember why you gave the 21 inch Panasonic to your younger sister who just got her first apartment.
Don’t want to sound like one of those old geezers who cry about the good old days but guess I am just that. Don’t hate me. Hate the suits who make the calls on what gets on the airwaves. If you want to see regular slobs like yourself trying to lose weight, get laid or live on an Island then the future looks good. Really good. But if not then you (we) gotta rise up and say we’re mad as hell and we’re not gonna take it anymore. Tell em no good network shows? No peace! Riots in the streets. It’s that simple. I mean what the hell happens if the freaking cable ever goes out? Think about it. Later.

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