| John Mayer |
| 2010-02-23 |
| I think his name is John Mayer, a singer/something and he’s supposed to be sorta popular with women over 30. I gotta be honest I’ve never heard his stuff, not even on the jukebox at the bars I hang at but I guess someone digs his music or he wouldn’t have had a shot at sleeping with so many famous chicks. Ok, not as many as Marilyn Manson or Wilt Chamberlain but a heck of a lot more famous like that Friends lady and Tony Romo’s old girlfriend. What makes him different is how many really stupid things he has said to people who write it down. I mean when I say something dumb no one cares much but this guy does it so large it gets in every paper, magazine and internet place in the world. I’m thinking now it’s more about how crazy the shit is than how good his skills are. Sure he’s supposed to be a pretty good guitar player besides being a walking top 40 machine but even though he thinks he’s the Larry Bird of blues I’m not buying it. When a dude say’s “My dick is sort of like a White Supremacist” or when he said “Sometimes I wish that I was the weather” or even “I’m sort of half chick ….. I can insert a tampon” you wanna dump a 5 gallon bottle of white out on his head and hope it does the job. How does a living being get to be such an asshole? I guess it’s kinda everyone’s fault cuz people bought a butt load of his “Your Body Is A Disneyland” song. I didn’t get that ditty. How can a human body be an amusement park? It doesn’t make sense. I mean maybe the bodies that he visits are worth the price of admission but mine and the other people I know can only stomach peeking at ours in a pitch dark basement. That’s the way God meant it to be. Who needs to hear about this douche having fun with E ticket models and actresses in broad daylight? Not me that’s for sure. I’m sorta betting if his parents didn’t buy him a guitar when he was in middle school he might not be sharing so much with the world right now. I’m thinking if he couldn’t sell poppy crap to the ladies then he’d probably be working at an Old Navy, possibly as assistant manager. It would be pretty tough for him to spew out one of his snappy quotes to people way more interested in finding 9 dollar t-shirts. Don’t think they would put up with it. One word too many about his dick and they’d just pop in the face cuz most people have stuff to do and listening to a sales clerk be controversial ain’t on the list. He sort of reminds me of this guy Shawn who used to live in my apartment building. He really thought he was smart. You know the type who make wise ass comments really loud hoping someone will think they’re different than everyone else. Like not as lame. The problem is after he passes brain gas 24/7 people pretty much want to squish him like a bad zit. He had to move away after most of the neighbors on the 4th floor started putting duct tape on his face whenever he started to say anything. Even like hi or nice weather. People just didn’t want to risk him saying anything else so they did what they had to do to survive. I heard he’s living in a mobile home out in the desert near Death Valley these days. I hope he’s doing ok cuz I never felt too good about how we treated him. So anyway, this John Mayer guy is so rich I think he can pay people to listen to him say crazy stuff all day long for like 50 years and never worry about someone getting out the duct tape. There’s not much we can really do about him except agree that he’s dead to us if he say’s one more dumb ass thing to get attention. Since I know it’s only a matter of a few hours before he shares again people better get ready to do what they have to do. I know I’m ready to step up and do the right thing. How about you? Later. |
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