| Glenn Beck's Chalk Board |
| 2010-03-10 |
| I know this guy Glenn Beck is a dick but I can’t stop watching his tv show these days. I’m not proud that I can’t kick the habit. I do think I’ve figured out why this is happening though and it may be the reason other people keep watching his crappy program too. It’s the blackboard. I really think it is. Something deep down inside me, deeper than my gall bladder or intestines is saying that it’s pretty neat. The blackboard, not the dumb shit with the sorta crew cut. Maybe my mind is saying enough with those high tech toys that most shows use, remember your glory years in grade school where you were kinda smart (it’s really tough for anyone to think you’re dumb in like the 4th grade). In those days it was pretty easy to remember stuff the teacher wrote down with your basic white chalk. Some days they used yellow but that was mostly for important stuff like when it was Dr. Seuss’s birthday or early dismissal. It really messes with my head when I know most of the stuff he says is pulled out of his ass but it still sorta seeps into my brain and I’m kinda worried what it’s is doing in there. Will it come spewing out at a bad time? Like if I’m at a black friends house hanging out and all of a sudden I start dropping a rant about Van Jones or Rev Wright will I piss them off? It’s been on my mind lately, where does all this information go? I figure if I watch like 2 or 3 of Glenn Beck shows a week there’s a ton of gunk swirling inside me and it’s got to go somewhere. Maybe I will pee it away but I doubt it. It could be inside me forever and that’s scary man. One night last week I couldn’t sleep cuz I kept seeing that chalk board and all those words like “Communist” “Socialist” “Nazi” “Progressive” “Social Justice” “Stalin” “Welfare State” “Auto Erotic-Asphyxia”(ahhh maybe that last one was from TMZ). Anyway, the point is Glenn Beck is wrecking my mind and I don’t like it. I just wish he would stop going old school and try one of those thingy’s John Madden uses on football games. You know where he writes those squiggles and drunk fans at home scream at the tv cuz they already know what a play action pass or a zone blocking scheme is so why is he messing up the screen? If Beck used one of those his garbage would be in one ear and out the other. I could watch his show 24/7 and there would be no harm no foul but I’m thinking there’s no way he’s gonna ditch the chalkboard any time soon. I guess he’s more popular now on FOX NEWS than that chubby ex frat boy Hannity or O’Reilly so we might as well get used to him being in our face for at least 2 or 3 more years. I figure about 2013 or so he will flame out with a bust on some sex deal and then try and make a comeback later on one of VH1’s rehab programs. He reminds me of Jason except as far as I know he doesn’t kill everyone around him with his own hands. No, he does it slowly by getting millions of people to watch his tv program and listen to his radio show and then their internal organs start to shut down. It’s not pretty. Have you seen what those Tea Baggers on the news look like? Try Dawn of The Dead but with only white people. At least George Romero would throw in a couple black or Puerto Rican zombies. His movies looked like America but Beck’s show looks like a Curling match on the CBC. Don’t he and all his jealous bro’s on Fox News know that they’ll soon be kissing the ass of people that don’t look like them? It’ll be like the Alamo and remember it didn’t end real well for the team that bought into that “manifest destiny” scam. The thing about him saying Obama is trying to turn this country into a commie crash pad for lazy slobs just doesn’t make sense to me and yesterday he wrote with his own hands that the Prez wants all of the terrorists in that sandy part of the world to come and visit the USA. I had never heard this one before but I guess he wants them to see that we have so much neat stuff here and hopes they won’t wanna blow it up. It’s hard to believe like most of Beck’s stuff but what if he’s on the money on this one? Or what if Obamacare does mean the End of Days are here. That would be a real bummer. I mean I could deal with it and everything cuz I owe a shitload of money on a bunch of credit cards but if we all go now no one would ever get to see if the Who ever retire for good or what Jennifer Anniston would look like at 65 or if Toyota ever fixed their death cars. It’s not the best time for the world to close up shop if you ask me so I really, really hope that Glenn Beck is full of it and nothing he writes down on his chalk board comes true. Ok, except the one about Progressives baking pot brownies and giving them away free at malls everywhere. That would be kinda cool. Maybe once or twice a year. Later. |
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