| My Dead Friend |
| 2010-05-07 |
| A good friend of mine died the other day. She was a dog and her name was Gracie. Most everybody has gone down this road. Being the lone member of a death panel who gives the vet the go ahead ain’t a lot of fun, no matter what he says her chances are. I mean maybe nothing more could be done but friends deserve a shot anyway. I guess not even a heart transplant, new kidneys or a butt load of stem cells would probably have saved my buddy but if they gave me a choice I would have sold the BMW I don’t own to give her a few more weeks. Almost positive some out there would say I’m crazy for even thinking about going into debt to save the life of a dog. Most of them would be cat people and I’m thinking even a couple of them would sell their plasma if it would get their roommate with a litter box a new lease on life. It’s all about hanging out with someone that likes you even on bad days and for years not just the weekend or after the bars close. Dogs can forgive just about anything, even people being meaner than Bobby Knight to them. I mean most humans don’t like to be yelled at while peeing and pooping on the carpet or drinking out of the toilet. It’s a private thing. Gracie didn’t like it either but she took it like a good friend does when they know you don’t really mean to be a total asshole. She always knew I would mellow out and still be there for her no matter how much she pissed me off cuz she was always there for me when I pissed her off. I guess that’s what they call "unconditional love" but since I’ve never seen it with humans I’m not totally sure. The last few weeks with Gracie were a real downer. I mean before she started to get old I never had to do much of anything for her except fill her dog dish with grub. Just about any grub would do. Left over Taco Bell. 3 week old tuna casserole. Crust from a horrible PB & J. Didn’t matter. If I gave it to her it would swallowed in one bite no questions asked with a sorta smile on her face. About the only thing she wouldn’t eat were vegetables though I stuck a bunch of them in her face over the years thinking just maybe she might give the vegan thing a try but no luck. I think she had a bad experience with broccoli as a puppy. About the only time I had to watch my back with her was when I was still eating and had not yet decided what I would toss her way. If someone came to the door or I turned to look out the window my last slice of pizza would be gone in a blink of the eye. She was that fast and when she was really hungry maybe faster than the speed of light, so most of the time I ate as quick as I could before she stole what I was going to give her anyway. They say about the time really, really old people are about to check out their stuff stops working. It’s tough to see cuz it seems like just a couple weeks ago they were playing catch with you and flipping burgers in the backyard. You like blink your eyes while looking at them laying down, breathing hard and it seems like one of those cheesy movie flash forward scenes where they show you what the person is going to look like a lot of years later. It’s supposed to freak you out being able to see the now and the way later person. You’d think with how many of those I’ve had to sit through I’d be able to handle seeing it live in front of my face. Not so much with my dog. I had no problem holding her back legs up while she went to the bathroom the last few weeks but when she couldn’t even do her bizness at all no matter how long I held her up then it got real sad. I guess that happens when you stop eating (even when I served up stuff that was too expensive for me at Safeway) or drinking water. A day later the sorta walking was history, even with a little push. It was in the morning that I knew we would have to take a drive that day, a not fun drive. It was a sunny afternoon aound 3:00 pm when I decided to let her hang out on the grass for a few minutes before we took off. As she had become my four legged “Bernie” I just carried her to the spot where she seemed over the years to like it best, stood back and watched her try to breathe like the old days. She must have known what was coming up but seemed really happy or at least that’s what I told myself. It was about time then for the appointment so I picked her up, put her in the back of the car and told myself I wasn’t going to cry or anything while operating a motor vehicle. When I got to the vet’s office they were ready for us and I put her down on the table. She looked up at me, eyes seeming to say “ain’t this a bitch, let’s just get this over with man”. My buddy Gracie was about 15 when I watched her take her last breath. The vet said after the shot it would be quick and boy was it ever. I closed her eyes with my hand, took off her collar and left the place as quick as I could. A lot of people say losing those that you like a hell of a lot is just part of life. Probably so but things are never, ever the same. I guess pretty much everybody already knows that. Later. |
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