| Al & Tipper Gore |
| 2010-06-07 |
| Last week was going ok, not great but decent and then I heard on TMZ that Al & Tipper were getting the Big D. It was right after I finished off a whole Little Caesar’s sausage pizza myself. See I don’t have anyone around to share it with so I usually kill food as fast as I can. That way I don’t have leftovers and remember it was enough for probably two, maybe three people. It’s kind of depressing to see a couple slices sitting there when you’re done and know if you had a girlfriend or wife they would already be long gone. Know what I mean? When the tv dude said something about the Gore’s being married 40 years it was like hearing the news about some serial killer striking again. You know they are out there but you just don’t want to think about it happening. They couldn’t make it after 40 freaking years? Talk about a couple of quitters! Don’t really know what everyone else felt when they heard the news but my first take was you’d think after all that time hanging out together the two of them would just say the club scene is brutal and online dating would be a no go too (I mean you can’t get out of the deal breaker on that one, picking out a picture of your face and figuring how much to lie about the weight thing, can you think of anything more not fun?) and even if they hated each others guts they would just say the hell with it and stick it out. Ok, I know what you are saying right now, easy for him to say and it’s true. Seriously, I can’t even talk to a live woman let alone marry one and am sorta ok just spending free time in the apartment with my hamster Greg. He’s low key and likes me most of the time (he might be bi-sexual). If Al and Tipper don’t have a friendly pet then they’ll probably just do what most people do after splitting up, try to meet someone else who doesn’t think they suck. Though at first it seems like it’s doable, later the ending to that movie is usually about the same. Maybe there’s a few months where you think you can get over the “fixer upper” liking stuff that’s totally lame. New sex can buy you some time but sooner rather than later you figure out the score. Yep. If it was easy living with someone who got on your nerves you’d still be married. I don’t want to sound like I’ve never been a boyfriend before. A couple times since high school I think I’ve had a real girlfriend. Never got serious or anything. Didn’t think that was a real good idea after the parents both poisoned each other when I was 9 years old. Each thought it would be a better idea than going to marriage counseling. I think they both knew what the other was doing that morning and were ok with it cuz the police found the D- Con box sitting right there on the kitchen table next to the bodies. The detective said both had pancakes with a bit of rat killer sprinkled on top. I remember I was spending the night with a friend and my sister actually found them. You know she’s never been married before either. I think she was engaged once but the guy died about a week before the wedding. It was a bummer cuz he owned a Harley and said he was going to let me take it out for a spin which would have been neat if he hadn’t died. Anyway, true love is something that maybe I don’t know a whole lot about but I’m thinking there are worse things than being with someone until you die (not like my parents but like dying when you’re really, really old together in a rest home or something). There’s a chance that Al will have second thoughts about going solo after spending a few months alone on the road talking about that global freezing idea he came up with. I know he’s right about it but geez it’s gotta be a huge buzz kill. I mean it’s tough picking up chicks when the cute, not so scientific ones see you as Mr. Doom. I’m thinking he totally needs to lighten up when he does colleges cuz the sorority sisters hate anything that makes them sad. Maybe his act would work better in a Catholic church or one of those places where they have funerals. I’m pretty sure people there would be ok with it or at least be more in the mood for his scary 411. Now Tipper on the other hand is gonna have a much tougher time finding a new squeeze. This is a woman who dissed all music that was cool way back when she started that “Parents who hate cool music organization” in like 1985. Since most guys dig rap and songs about “doing it” the only single dweebs who might go out with her would be just like Al so why the hell did she dump him in the first place? Makes you wonder after seeing that gross 93 minute kiss on tv at that convention huh? I gotta hope that if someday I hit the lottery and find a woman who will give me a shot it will last until the finish line. Even if either one of us snores, loves CSI (any of them), have any Journey songs on our iPods, have relatives that do drop by’s without calling, eat disgusting kinds of food, hates/likes sex, collects beer bottle caps, worships the devil, have athletes foot, dabbles in smack, drives a Hummer or a butt load of other stuff that could give each of us the creeps. I guess you could call me one of those romantics cuz I say if you’re stupid enough to actually get married and it lasts longer than 5 months there should be no do overs. It’s in the books then and bailing out is chickenshit. Now that’s just my opinion. Maybe you might want to check back with me if I ever do swing the deal and settle down myself. There’s always a chance I may be off on this one. I’m just saying I have been wrong before. Like when I said in 2000 George Bush would be a good guy to have a beer with. That was my bad. Anyway, I’ll keep you posted on the love life. Miracles can happen. I mean you never know. Right? Later. |
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