| Summer Re Run #1 |
| 2010-06-16 |
| I really don't know if I'm big enough to actually do this but it seemed like a neat idea when I first thought of it. For the next couple weeks I'm going on vacation. I'm not actually going anywhere but I made up my mind to do nothing except sit on my couch and watch the full second season of Dog The Bounty Hunter. My upstairs neighbor gave me the DVD he got from the library. It's already overdue so what's the big deal if it gets there a few weeks from now? So anyway here goes my first try at doing a re-run that will fill up some space until I get done watching Dog. Hope you've never read this before or it was so lame you already forgot about reading it a long time ago. Blondes On Fox News Part 1 Now I know some of you out there think I’m like a hater of the FOX NEWS cable channel and I want to say it’s just not true. I’m no white power kind of white guy but I do find myself tuned into them for like hours and hours. I’ve been thinking a lot about why I watch it so much and the only thing I can figure out is I guess I dig all the Aryan chicks. I mean they look like they came out of a factory that cranks out hot blondes from Berlin but without the accent. I know it’s lame to like these kind of women but I just can’t help myself. I’m thinking maybe that’s why FOX NEWS kicks the ass of all the other cable news channels in the ratings. For some reason CNN put’s on women that are real news people and they look old and puffy. There’s this one lady called Candy Crowley who does the political stuff and besides not being a babe, she’s way too smart for the average guy watching at home. It’s not a fair fight. When I see her rapping with that Wolfman guy about Clinton vs. Obama I have to flip it to FOX NEWS after a few minutes to get my head straight with a blonde fix. On MSNBC they sorta have a few blondes on but their hair isn’t bleached enough. They look like kinda blondes and until they commit to the full meal deal it’s not happening for me. How many sorta blondes do you ever see at strip clubs or Hooters? Those women know the recipe and they don’t mess around. They never have to worry about their roots cuz I read nowadays they just inject some serious dye into the brain. Total blondes for life. Sure the article said there’s some side effects like strokes and vomiting but any young woman just out of broadcasting school knows that’s a small price to pay for a ticket to the big leagues. I know for a fact I can’t watch any news without one or two blondes telling me about stuff I don’t really care about. It’s a must. It wasn’t always this way. When I was younger and before FOX NEWS came on I didn’t really think much about what the people on the news looked like. If I wanted to get a buzz on looking at tv eye candy I went to normal places like Baywatch or Women’s tennis. Since I couldn’t afford cable in those days I had to get by with whatever I could find. Thank god that Murdoch dude sprung for his news channel cuz who needs Baywatch re runs these days? Do I feel it’s cool to watch people who may look hot but read things off their teleprompters that make me feel dirty? The answer is no but I'm not ashamed cuz men are dogs and everyone knows it. I am what I am. Or are. Or is it….. Oh well, you know what I mean. I sometimes lay awake at night trying to figure out which blonde on FOX NEWS is the hottest. There are so many of them that I can never get through them all before I fall asleep so I still haven’t made the call. I do have a major thing for Gretchen who’s on in the morning with that FOX & Friends Show. The program is just another of their piece of crap happy talk Limbaugh lite show’s but I can’t stop thinking what it would be like to take her to a Coldstone and share a cone. Maybe even touch her hair. It would be the highlight of my life. Sure it probably won’t ever happen but a guy can dream can’t he? See that’s what makes FOX NEWS so different from everybody else. They can make you dream. Not about news but about other stuff like well, a full head of stiff blonde hair. Maybe two cans of Aqua Net stiff. Now that’s a fantasy come true. I understand it may not work for you but my thing goes way back to when I had this kindergarten teacher Ms. Larson who, yeah, was blonde. The thing I still cannot get out of my head is she didn’t shave and when she went to the chalkboard to write something we all could see the hair on her head did not match what was under her arm pits. That was very confusing to a 5 year old. It made all of us in the class confront the fact that life was really complicated and I know for sure some of us never got over it. It’s got to be why I won’t sit and watch any non blonde women on the tube spew information. Maybe you have your own story about why you prefer blondes on the news. I can’t be the only one who has this hang up. Like I said check the ratings. I should probably say right now I am dating a redhead so I’m not that big a freak. I’ve worked really hard on this and the shrink I see thinks in a couple more years I just might be able to go cold turkey and watch C-Span. We shall see. I'll keep you posted. Later. |
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