| Russian Spies? |
| 2010-07-09 |
| I finally did make it down to the library and was able to snag my favorite computer, the one by the ladies room. It’s almost as good as sitting next to the ladies room at bars cuz sooner or later you get to check out every woman in the place, more than once if they’re drinking coffee. When I first sat down I thought this kinda blonde woman sorta winked at me going in. It turned out I was wrong cuz on the way out she walked right by me without returning my double wink back. It’s really tough to pull off a double wink (using both eyes at the same time) without looking like you are wacked out of your mind. Whatever. Anyway, I guess it’s time to crank out a new one of my blog dealy bob’s so here goes. So what’s up with all these Russian spies everywhere? I mean I thought that country went out of business or something. I know they still make vodka and have a ton of mail order brides but hey aren’t they pretty much a joke these days? Why would this wacky country that can’t even keep track of all their own nuclear junk order people to come over to America to steal information that they wouldn’t probably know what to do with? If it was so important why don’t they just stay home in like Siberia and just download whatever they needed from the internets on their phones? They could have saved some major cash man. Who was the brain there that thought this was a good idea? Boris Badenov? Then I started to wonder what the hell were they really looking for? What top secrets would the wannabe bozo’s I saw on the news actually be able to get? Why do Americans eat corn nuts? Why is Kansas City in Missouri? Is Dick Cheney really a cyborg and will never die? Junk that the Russkies might want to know about but there are more important secrets out there and these doofuses were snooping around in all the wrong places. Even I know that all our good stuff that anyone would want to steal is in one place and it ain’t in Washington DC or some military base. Nope. It’s Hollywood. Duh! The only place these days we make something just about everyone in the world digs and is willing to pay for. Forget about secret plans about some invisible plane or bombs that can spit the earth in half, they should be finding out how we can still sell re runs of Full House to like Romania or Jonas Brothers CD’s to China. That is way more valuable than anything some spook could want to steal. The real money question is how the good old USA can keep selling total crap to the rest of the world? It’s frigging amazing. From what I read in my neighbor’s paper we busted 10 of them and tossed them in jail. I guess they had like 4 of our guys we flipped in their own gray bar hotel. So us and them did what anybody would do when your buddies get caught red handed, they made a trade. Now I know some Fox News fans might be pissed our commie prez making such a shitty deal, 10 for 4 but who knows if one of our 4 was like totally cool and we really, really wanted him back so he was actually worth 8 or 9 by himself. You just don’t know. Anyway, the trade couldn’t be worse than Robert “Tractor” Traylor for Dirk Nowitzki. Nuff said huh? The one thing I do know is trying to steal secrets is a tough biz. I remember in the 10th grade when I swiped a civics test from Mr. Rathborne’s desk before finals. I thought it was a major score, made a bunch of copies, sold them for 5 bucks apiece and then found out later he sticks out a fake test every year just to see who the slimeballs of his class are. I know, very old trick. I’m thinking most of those 10 losers from the sorta Soviet Union are now wishing they would have just quit and bought a mobile home in like Fresno or Huntsville. Now they get shipped home and they lose everything that’s so neat about this country like HBO, Youporn and Orange Julius. What a bummer. I’m betting our guys though have already bought a Miami Heat jersey on the way home at the airport and got stocked up on a butt load of kettle corn too. Hopefully we can see them on Jay Leno’s show soon and find out what they were able to uncover for our country. Well I gotta go now cuz a new Mall Cops – Mall of America is on TLC and that is must see tv for me this summer. Later. |
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