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| 2008-04-07 | Well, Anyway |
| OK, the injunction's been lifted and I can blog again. I'm not supposed to discuss the settlement, but let's just say that some people take non-disclosure agreements a lot more seriously than others do. In the intervening few months, I've had some time to reflect on this whole Yahoo (I refuse to use the bang) takeover thing. My take on this may surprise you, but I'm all for it. Why? Because Yahoo is no longer un-evil. They've been in bed with the Chinese for a long time, self-censoring their site for fear of losing The Mandate of Heaven in the Middle Kingdom. So who cares if the thing they're afraid to mention is Linux or Tibet? There's no such thing as a semi-free press. If Yahoo is going to go under, what difference is there if they're kowtow'ing to Chairman Mao or Chairman Bill? Think about it. |
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| 2007-05-17 | Belly of the Beast |
| OK, I've been laying low for a while. It's not like Spud pays me for this gig, and Gates and Company are such downers anyway, it's pretty hard to get motivated. But something happened this week that is, as the people with teaching degrees would say, "worth sharing." Usability Study. Ever heard of that? It's what Microsoft does to interact with their victims^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hcustomers and get their opinions on new products. I don't know how it happened, but I got on the mailing list for one of these and I received an email (full of HTML crap, of course) inviting me to Redmond to give the softies my opinion on some new product. Will wonders never cease. How could I refuse? Tuesday at the appointed time, I show up on the Microsoft "campus" with a map directing me to the designated building. No, it wasn't Building Eleven, the super-secret bunker with the fake tennis courts on the roof to make it invisible on Google Earth. It was Building Twenty-Something, right near the entrance, the easier for the security guards to escort you out if you turn out to be Richard Stallman or something. After being met in the lobby by a perky marketing type I was ushered into a dimly-lit room outfitted with a PC, three video cameras, two microphones, and a floor-to-ceiling one-way mirror which occupied an entire wall. Ol' Man Ballmer himself could have been behind it, just three feet from me and I wouldn't have known it. After signing a bunch of legal releases saying I wouldn't sue Microsoft for lead poisioning, radiation burns or carpal tunnel syndrome as a result of what I was about to do, I was introduced to the killer new product: The Hyper-Mouse. This is apparently the product that Microsoft hopes will strangle the i-Phone in the cradle. It's a combined laser mouse, cell phone and mp3 player with a flip-up cover revealing a texting keyboard. "You'll never have to touch the keyboard again!" was their pitch. The mouse even had voice recognition software you could use to create documents without typing. I tried growling into it in my best Darth Vader voice "I AM your father, Linus!" Blue-screened the damned thing. The saga continues in part two... |
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| 2007-02-15 | Pot vis-a-vis kettle accusations |
| Noted without comment: (From Information Week) Microsoft has lambasted IBM for fighting efforts to standardize Office 2007's Open XML document format, saying Big Blue is using the standards process "to limit choice in the marketplace for ulterior commercial motives." OK, I can't help but comment. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! 'Nuff said. |
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| 2006-11-03 | Why, you chowderheads! |
So, today Microsoft and Novell announce a New Era of Cooperation that has left the open source community slack jawed. How could Novell, the company that drug Microsoft kicking and screaming into the world of networked computing, now make a pact with the devil? What most analysts have overlooked is easily summed up in three little letters: SCO. As we all know, SCO is busy suing IBM for IBM's supposed infringement of SCO's Unix System V patents in Linux. SCO, a company teetering on bankrupcy, is financing this lawsuit with "Unix Licensing Fees" paid by who else but Microsoft, the antiunix. However, SCO's case is totally without merit and is slowly trudging toward summary dismissal. But wait! What about those "licensing" fees? Well, it turns out that Novell, which bought the rights to distribute Unix System V from Bell Labs, only licensed SCO to *market* Unix. So, all Microsoft's millions paid to SCO are actually owed to Novell. Are you following this? Not only did Microsoft fail in its attempt to hobble Unix by bankrolling its stooge SCO in their lawsuit, they now will have to pay Novell an equal amount (estimated at $60 million) to avoid a lawsuit by Novell. So, Microsoft makes nice with Novell and, one hand washing the other, the unpleasant little problem of the $60Meg disappears. Microsoft's message to SCO? "Slap!" "Boink!" "Why you, get outtahere, can't you see I'm legalizin'?" The stooges are dismissed, Ballmer *invites* other Linux vendors to persue patent licensing agreements with Microsoft, and the big hobble-the-Linux-vendor campaign is moved neatly in-house. Expect IBM to be the subject of another baseless patent infringement lawsuit very soon. This time, not from the stooges, but from Ted Healy himself, in the guise of Mr. Ballmer. Welcome to the club, Novell. Time for all of us to ditch Suse for somthing a little less tainted. |
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| 2006-09-01 | So very very soothing |
| You've all heard it. The Microsoft Noise. That little annoyingly serene fanfare that announces you're about to pass through the portals of hell. Twinkle-twinkle-dinkley-doo, or however you want to vocalize it. It's so soothing it makes your skin crawl. At least up until now, if you're stuck using Windoze, you've had the option of disabling it, or replacing it with something more appropriate, My favorite is the sound of a toilet flushing. But guess what? With Vista, you won't have this sanity-saving option. The Microsoft Noise is mandatory! You must listen. You must be content. You must obey. War is peace. Ignorance is knowledge. Windows is an operating system. Now that The Noise is a mandatory part of your day, expect upcoming service packs to include new mandatory sound or even video files. Maybe something like this: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2021198611798879793 As Popeye of Borg would say, "Prepares to be askimmilated." |
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If you email Julius, he'll read it.
juliuspierpont@spudgoodman.com
Copyright 2006 Spud Goodman Productions